24 April, 2003 : Security Guards On Scene After Farmers 'Move' The Goalposts
Buoyed by a zero $ pre-season spending spree Cruz Azul turn up to find the goals have disappeared! The FBI were on the scene at Groner School field Hillsboro, Oregon USA, hoping to establish a link between the mysteriously absent goalposts and a suspected farmer's 'cell' in the area.
"I never ain't seen nuffin' like it" explained Cruz's new star - the Ancient Briton believed to be 122 years older than Teddy Sheringham. "I've missed goals before, but not like this."

It turned out that the goalposts had been spirited away by a group of concerned local baseball citizens who were "in no way" annoyed by the foreigners who do all the manual labour locally playing foreign sports on their soil. "What if someone bumped into the posts while walking their little Schlitzu at dusk?", reasoned an innocent bystander who "couldn't say what happened exactly".

Meanwhile, cash-strapped Hillsboro School District, having just been forced to climb down on closing more local schools proved that they have their priorities right by sending armed private security guards to the first game - parking their spanking new $200,000 motor in the centre circle: To make sure that no one ran off with the new 'mini' goals someone had knocked up out of drainpipes? No, to fine Cruz Azul $175 if they didn't have the right papers and perhaps to exercise their sweet pet Alsatian dog - (aka: German Sheep Dog).
The presence of the two friendly officers and their companion bolstered the crowd to 24; a record attendance.